All for the Best

In an attempt to stop thinking about my feelings of betrayal, guilt, resentment, and the like, I've been trying to schedule six or seven productive activities each day, using social engagements as my icon moments to look forward to. As a choir instructor, I'm working this summer to improve my piano skills. I practice for a couple of hours each day. I assume I've made progress, but it isn't obvious to me.  Some of the advice I've received most is to allow myself to feel. As mentioned in the previous post, I don't spend a lot of time feeling during the day. When I do, it makes me sick. As such, I've been trying to think of productive ways to allow myself to feel. I'll let you know if I come up with any.  Last night, I began to read a book with the thesis statement along the lines of, "you will reach the other side of this hard time and God will use the darkness for good". After a chapter, I put it away. I don't know how other people deal with...

The purpose of this log is not go garner any attention. At the moment, I hope no one ever reads it. On the 7th of June, 2020, my wife of two years and change returned from a trip to Spokane, Washington to visit her family. She entered the living room quietly, sat down at our dining room table, and told me that she wanted to file for divorce. The purpose of this log is to contain and maintain the effect this event and these months has on my life.  Today, it's July 19th, 2020. Every citizen of of our state and country is sick to death of hearing the phrases, "unprecedented times", "this dark time", and the like. The global dialogue is in an unexpected place. People on social media are thirsty for justice. Calls for peace are decreasing and calls for change are the loudest. All conversations I have seem to be stained with fear. As of today, 138,000 people have died of a pandemic in the United States. Several people I know have died, but no one I was close to.  I...